Improving Intimacy in Marriage
by
Stephen Martin
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- Learn about marriage and improving intimacy
- Learn to strengthen the entire relationship
- Learn and effective way to improve intimacy
About Marriage Intimacy
Intimacy is the cornerstone of marriage and it encompasses every aspect of a relationship including the physical, emotional, and spiritual connection between two people. Physical intimacy is often what sparks a relationship, but what keeps the spark alive is the emotional and spiritual connection that forms over time. The benefits of intimacy in marriage are far reaching.
Healthy intimacy is not only good for the couple, but its by-products spill over into the lives of children, friends, family members, and even to the work environment and community.
The Challenge of Maintaining Intimacy
Many couples experience a point where intimacy takes a backseat to everything else that's happening in life - careers, the house, the children, and just generally surviving day to day. Maintaining the level of intimacy that exists in the beginning of a relationship can prove challenging and, worse, the loss of intimacy can be a major source of stress and difficulty in marriage. So many couples find themselves in this position, especially as life gets more complicated with home ownership, children, and careers. It's so important, at this point, to find a way to reclaim intimacy. If it was there in the beginning, it's possible to get it back.
Couples first need to recognize the importance of intimacy in marriage and set an intention to reclaim it and strengthen it. We grow as people, as couples, and as families, and intimacy has to grow as well. This is the bond that started it all and it's ultimately the bond that will keep it together.
Your Ticket to Total Intimacy
Frequent Foreplay Miles®, developed by Shela Dean (relationship coach and speaker), is just one program that helps couples improve intimacy in marriage. The strategy is easy, fun, and best of all, it works! The goal is to attain total intimacy, which is when:
- A couple is so connected in mind and heart that a physical bond develops
- Couples are comfortable with sharing their innermost thoughts, needs, and desires
- Couples are supportive of each other in every way and know that they are supported
- Couples can trust that even when there are difficulties, each knows that they acted with the best of intentions
- Intimacy in marriage will continue to improve and grow and the sexual relationship will flourish
The program encourages couples to act on their natural tendency to "keep score in marriage" and to use that score to communicate better with their partners, decreasing the chances of harboring grudges and holding in silent resentment. In its simplest form, the idea is to see every occasion as an opportunity for "emotional foreplay" by doing something thoughtful or special for your partner, and even more importantly, by handling everyday interactions in a way that resonates with your partner's view of how things should be.
At a deeper level, the concept helps you discover what Shela Dean, the pioneer of Frequent Foreplay Miles, calls your Foreplay Navigator. In that way, you rack up the miles. On the other hand, an act that may be selfish, thoughtless, or uncompromising will detract from your miles. All the little, daily acts between partners, that may seem insignificant at the time, can have a serious cumulative effect on the relationship - in both good and negative ways.
The Frequent Foreplay Miles® program opens up the avenues of communication for couples to reveal their true feelings and thoughts about themselves and each other in a comforting and safe environment. It helps get couples on the same page, and even when they're not on the same page, they can be confident that the other will understand his or her perspective.
So many couples have identified with this strategy and improved their level of marital intimacy without formal relationship counseling or therapy. Couples who had lost that early spark used this program to rekindle their intimacy and nurture their relationship without it ever having become a troubled marriage. This fun and effective program gets right to the heart of communication and understanding between partners to help increase marital intimacy and build a foundation of strength and growth between them.
Stephen Martin is a marriage and family therapist with offices in Moss Beach. He is a 25 year member of the Half Moon Bay Rotary International Club, and a past President of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapist. Visit Stephen's website at www.healmarriage.com.
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