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Role-Playing and Fantasy Games
by
Stephen Martin, MFT and Victoria Costello
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- You may chose to share your fanasies with your sexual partner
- Using fantasies and role-playing can enliven sexuality
- Try giving over control for eight hours
- Click here to buy The Everything Guide to a Happy Marriage
Everyone has fantasies, even if you don’t think you do. They happen while you dream at night or sit (daydreaming) in your cubicle during the day. Men and women have them, albeit usually different kinds. Some sexual fantasies feature erotic situations and scenes you might like to act out with your partner. Others remain strictly fantasies, meaning you wouldn’t want them to occur anytime, anywhere outside of the privacy of your imagination.
However, this latter category may include fantasies you may wish to share, meaning tell your sexual partner. Indeed, many fantasies, too hot for real life, can add a zesty erotic edge to a couple’s lovemaking when verbalized in the heat of passion. Using fantasies and role-playing to enliven sexuality can be effective as long as each partner is equally comfortable with the process and is game to play with the particular characters, actions, props, and places the other wishes to try out.
A very common female sex fantasy, perhaps the most common, is where a man “takes” his woman, essentially requiring her to submit to his greater strength or commanding words. This only works if both partners have agreed to it beforehand, but the fact is that both men and women enjoy playing out this fantasy. Many women, especially powerful ones, say they like letting go of control in the bedroom, either occasionally or frequently. Many a man who is quite comfortable sharing power with women in the work-place, or splitting duties with a wife at home, relishes the idea of playing the brave and daring hero of his boyhood dreams.
One way for both to try on these roles, or experiment, is by playing out the fantasies in sex play. Many couples like to use costumes to play priests, maids, courtesans, pirates, and cops; they may use props, including handcuffs, ropes, and masks, to enact full scenes, either scripted or spontaneous.
The Blind Date
This exercise is essentially a role-play and a date night put together. Your goal is to go back in time and enact a first meeting between the two of you in a slightly risqué setting, perhaps happy hour in a bar or at a train station. The idea is to spot each other across the room or platform, and go through the paces of seduction—complete with pick-up lines, sexy banter, and outrageous flirting. The key is to make it very different from your usual night out routine. In other words, don’t go to your favorite restaurant or someplace you might encounter someone who knows you. The goal is to make the familiar unfamiliar again, adding an element of risk and rediscovering the chemistry that originally brought you together.
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